My Second Long Goodbye: Chapter 8
As I sit at my computer starting to write this with tears welling in my eyes I am struck by the thought that this might be the most important chapter I write. I have no notes, no outline, really no idea what is about to come out of my brain and fill these pages. I have just come in from sitting outside on my back deck letting the sun warm my face where as I picked up my phone to aimlessly scroll for a few minutes I was confronted by an article about the origin of “The Wedding Song” by Paul Stookey.
After finishing the article I played the song written for the wedding of Paul’s friend Peter Yarrow. In the article Paul described how the song was not really written by him but rather he simply transcribed the words as they miraculously came into his head as he was facing writer’s block shortly before the song was due. Listening to the song prompted me to remember my own wedding and our wedding song, “Follow Me” by John Denver.
I listened to our song and tears ran freely down my cheeks as I was reminded of the intensity of the love I share with my wife. I write this the day before Valentine’s Day. I have no gift for my wife for tomorrow. She will not know it is Valentine’s Day. So let this message be our Valentine to each other and our gift to anyone on a similar journey that reads this!
Two songs that inspired me
First I invite you to listen to the two songs that have inspired me to write this. For me they have caused me to remember so many of the good times we have shared before this devastating disease ended our living together. It is so easy to get caught up in the ravages of this disease and the overwhelming need to perform the everyday functions of caring for your loved one especially if they are still at home that you fail to enjoy what we call “the golden moments”. People ask when did this journey start? When did you first notice the changes? I can’t answer either of those questions nor can anyone answer the question as to when will it end!
Remembering the good moments
For this moment let us forget the fear, frustration, anger and uncertainty and focus solely on the joy and the love that still exists between our loved one and us. Let us celebrate the past joys and beautiful memories and resolve to make as many more of them as we possibly can for the remainder of the time we have to share with our loved one. Give more hugs, eat more sweets, dance and travel if you still can, do all the things you both enjoy that you are still capable of doing, and keep saying I love you over and over because it never will get old and the time will certainly come when it will be too late.
So right here right now in writing for everyone to see I want to say to my wife: I love you with every fiber of my being and I always will. I cherish all the memories of the trips we have taken and the friends we have made, the countless miles we have driven, the trips to the chocolate stores in Lodi and Nevada City, the picnics at the wineries and the river, the Hallmark movies, our annual caroling parties, your birthdays in the City, and our anniversaries at the ocean, and so much more, so very much more!
I cherish the love we have shared with each other and with the world and I am so thankful that we found each other and that our love will continue on in this world through the awesome sons we have raised and the goodness we have shared with all we have met. What a privilege it is to be your husband!
In past postings I have tried to give you some information about strategies and agencies to help you cope with what is coming. In this one I want to encourage you to begin thinking of the things you can still do to have joy and happiness in spite of what is happening. Seriously start thinking of what you can do that will allow you and your loved one to make more memories that you will be able to savor for the rest of your life.
For me because my wife is no longer at home it means more hours of cuddling on the couch at her place listening to music and sipping Starbucks, drives to enjoy the sunshine and the river, meals at friends’ houses and local restaurants, and encouraging more friends to visit her. What does it mean for you and your loved one? Planning for the joy is equally if not more important than planning for the pain! So please go make more golden moments!!
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